Your Jake and Amir name is: <span style="font-size:1.4em">(either:...$firstname) "(either:...$nickname)" (either:...$lastname).</span> Your favourite item is (either:...$faveitem). Your favourite phrase is: "(either:...$favephrase)" Your favourite style accessory is (either:...$faveaccessory). Your favourite food is (either:...$favefood). You suffer from (either:...$affliction). ...And you smell like (either:...$yoursmell). [[Randomize->Start]] (link:"Random Jake and Amir Video")[(gotoURL:"http://www.jakeandamir.com/random")] { (set: $pic to (either: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)) (if: $pic is 1)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir19web.jpg" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 2)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir07web.jpg" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 3)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir09web.jpg" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 4)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir16web.jpg" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 5)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir17web.jpg" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 6)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir12web.png" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 7)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir18web.png" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 8)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir20web.png" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 9)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir22web.png" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 10)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir23web.png" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] (if: $pic is 11)[ <img src="images/JakeAmir/jakeamir24web.png" alt="Jake and Amir"> ] }(set: $firstname to (array: "Jake", "Jjkae", "Amir", "Bradlin", "Tranlin", "San", "Sal", "Sale", "Mickey", "Penis Anthony", "Leron", "Lero-nuh", "Traysen", "Ace", "Jocelyn", "HENRY", "LOD", "Byron", "Jope", "Widely", "Uncle Gryan", "A-Shmeer", "Rymen", "Crandice", "Miles", "Vance", "Clovis", "Brad", "Blumpus", "Den", "King Zark", "Larence", "Quincy", "Linford")) (set: $nickname to (array: "Seize the Cheese", "Seeth the Cheeth", "Seize the Sneeze", "Seize the TVs", "Seize the Cheeseburger", "Seize the Squeeze", "Seize the D's", "The Pinch", "Shmuel", "Canadia", "The Aardvark", "The Goose", "Doobs", "Valerie", "Astronaut Accountant", "Coward and a Jew", "Other Dad", "Dad 2.0", "Namaste", "Yams", "J-Witz", "A cool", "T'was a Dream", "Owning the Kite", "Tick Dickler", "Bin Hidin'", "Beast in that Regard", "Jokesman", "Global", "Glocal", "Old Parm", "Toilet Papin", "Cherry Dude", "Mr.People", "Le Fricken Beef", "Penn Cooper", "Raymond", "Judy", "Queen Dweeb", "Diva Roach", "Rat Bastard", "Judy", "Queen Dweeb", "Diva Roach", "Rat Bastard", "Anus of the Highest Caliber", "Most Bitchly", "ChillDude22", "Dicktooth", "Dicketeeth")) (set: $lastname to (array: "Hurwitz", "Blumenfeld", "Blumenwitz", "Hurwitzfeld", "Dublonye", "Curfee", "Kruscht-Hoost", "Hudson", "Squiddlesnitch", "Wolf", "Slat", "Nort", "Frunk", "Gren", "Blumois", "Fuckerberg", "Candles", "Jim", "Anal", "McMexican", "Hur-bitch")) (set: $faveitem to (array: "a scroll", "a clump of blond hair", "a doctor's beeper", "a Rubik's cube", "a Nunsmere bronze elephant trunk wall sconce", "a zebra print pillow", "a legit toy soldier", "a USB cat hair trimmer", "Kimber Stainless Raptor II (45 caliber, 5-inch, match-grade steel barrel hand-fitted by Kimber himself)", "a typewriter", "a Rolex", "a sigg-estion box", "a business card with invisible ink", "keys that were used in a murder suicide")) (set: $favephrase to (array: "Oh sheesh ya'll, t'was a dream!", "Gullies for life!", "Ri-donkey-lips!", "Ri-dicky-donkey!", "Shut it and forgut it!", "All a-whored!", "It was a goof!", "This is money now!", "ASS!", "D'oy hickey!", "As long as it's chubby, a girl will rubby!", "Blanks for the wolf!", "Broseph and the Technicolor Dream bro!", "When life gives you lemons...You make do!", "BLAZE! I'm high!", "That is bull spit!", "Complete uggo fuggo!", "I frickin' GANKED it!", "Yummy yummy, on my thumby!", "I am a golden God, and you are a troll named Rod!", "Oh crap, J-Witz ain't got one!", "If you were the trunk, then you got punked!", "No schlit bitch!", "A snatch made in heaven!", "She's playing hard to WET!", "We're beefing!", "It's my way or the balcon-ay!", "Snake eyes, bitches!", "Random as flunk!", "So help me Cod, you fishy bitch!", "Feces has disea-ces!", "All's fair in love and chill", "Owwy zowwy!" ,"Even Steven Segal", "Trans-gandered!", "Pay to play!", "EXCCUUUUSSEEE", "Schwing worthy!", "Cash money, ain't nothin' funny!", "Dinner tonight?", "Holy guack!", "Single and ready to tingle!")) (set: $faveaccessory to (array: "a Fedora (Fedodo)", "just like a...leather band..", "a cool and/or stylish vest", "a penguin costume", "a chinstrap beard", "4 dog tags (You need 4.)", "slim-fitting (Ill-fitting) cords", "earrings (Not gay.)", "spider web tats on your elbows", "a goatee (On top of your throw T)", "a muscle tee (A dank tank for this man-stank)", "a Busted Tees shirt (And you don't need legs to wear one)", "a dead pocket iguana", "a dead rat wallet", "two beady Jew eyes", "a studded belt (Laundry day)", "lace underwear (Lightweight, sexy)", "white sunglasses", "shit-stained Khakis", "a shit covered pink onesie", "a lack of ZERO compression pants", "a pee-proof button down")) (set: $favefood to (array: "a cock meat sandwich panini style, extra cock meat on Rosemary focaccia, side of chips and a free soda (It better be free, I'm eating cock meat after all)", "omelettes Amir style (With a little bit of salt)", "omelettes Amir style (With a LOT of salt)", "omelettes Amir style (No salt at all)", "a cream filled hotdog", "two cheeseburgers, one with fries, one with salad", "5 or 6 AA's, a 9V, and an entire roll of copper wire", "a small seaweed salad", "a quinoa starter of sorts", "spaghetti or a penne vodka, something tomato-y or cheesy", "a tall glass of your least expired milk (Exp.7/13/91)", "Dunkaroos from the D's", "Yams!", "chalky bread (At least the density of a brick)", "rabbit jam", "Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-PAPA JOHHHNN's", "a '95 Ritratti", " lemon sorbet with a chocolate mousse (Cold food hurts Niko's teeth)", "one almond", "split pea soup", "hummus soda", "confidence juice", "Jakey juice", "a soy vanilla frappuccino, cream on the side...and mixed in", "an apple walnut muffin", "deep fried Oreos <s>covered</s> wrapped in cake", "pudding n' shit", "Jam, Tuna fish, and cracked pepper with vinegar on a chocolate croissant", "a keg of what Coke is made out of (just the syrup)", "a Cranberry juice (It was full! It was unopened!)", "these small little peculiar pellets that smell like mouse shit", "3 Turkey sandys", "30 medium pizzas", "a tu-nine fish sandwich", "a hundo layer vegan lasagna", "3 Four Lokos and a shot of Schnapps", "150 boxes of thin mints", "chocolate, oil, and figs!", "a sleeve of waffle cones", "a pint of 5 hour energy", "an intact red velvet cupcake", "a sand-based nut", "a gay beetle", "Apple Jacks and milk (All over Jake's computer)", "chicken nuggets from tha DEEZ!", "a hundo layer veg lasagna", "a very, very, very old radish and little dollop of mayo", "loose egg salad out of a plastic bag", "a giant bag of carrots")) (set: $affliction to (array: "Nasal Scoliosis", "Taint Rosacea", "Adult Onset Diarrhea", "a Receding Anal Hairline", "Dyslexia Nervosa", "ADD, ADHD, RAGE!", "Intestinal Jaundice", "Webbed Teeth", "Hard of Tasting", "Hard of Feeling", "an Arthritic Colon", "Facial Cramps", "a Lung Murmur", "Indigestional Halitosis", "the Spleen thingamajig", "a third and fourth infected nipple", "Malnutrition", "a shredded mouth (Cut up from Uvula to Incisor)", "6 blood diseases", "Heart Flutters", "black eyes given to you by two black guys", "a weird ear", "Facial Backne", "Oral Acne", "Coin Poisoning", "the T-shirt virus", "shards where you shart")) (set: $yoursmell to (array: "absolute shit", "doo-doo", "the stench of a billion farts", "you've been waterboarded with diarrhea", "gasoline and fish", "you're dead", "you reek of garbage", "salmon nuggets", "really really awful", "cheese and gasoline")) (goto: "Start")